Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
