pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize