Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
