$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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