Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
