I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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