i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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