I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
