It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
