If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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