I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
