my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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