At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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