We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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