I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
