I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
