what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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