My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
