I hope mine doesn't look like that
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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