I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He better not be in your backpack
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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