Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We don't watch enough power rangers
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
