This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
