She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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