I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
