You can't special order awesome
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
