I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
