now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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