it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
