well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
