Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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