I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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