im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
