How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
