y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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