Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
