It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
