Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
