Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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