Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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