I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
