no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
