My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
