Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
