He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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