If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
