Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
