i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
