one two three fourrrrnication!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
