Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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