I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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