tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Randomize
