i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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