Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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