when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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