Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
