Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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