One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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