So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
