They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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