If i come over, it means nothing
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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