i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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