You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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