Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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