She said her name was "party"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
