I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
two words: eviction party
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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