Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
