P.S. I can't hear my feet
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
