No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
