Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
