Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize