maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
