I wish I could punch you in the face.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
