Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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