How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
