Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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