I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
