Do you still have your period?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
