I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
