were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i will never coherently bang her
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
