i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sext me about skeletons
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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